The modern world is full of diversions,
But still nothing beats casting aspersions.
Down life’s path I so blithely meander
Deriving pleasure from slinging slander.
Why yes you have a fine reputation,
So I think I’ll launch a disputation
And argue at length that perhaps I ought
To reconsider and say you’re a sot.
And that lady says you’re really quite kind,
But I wonder: Has she lost half her mind?
Why all the evidence is ever so clear
That all your goodness is just a veneer.
And everyone says you help the needy.
The truth? You’re sly, shrewd, and oh so greedy.
You’re making a ton in the alms racket
While falling to a lower tax bracket.
And, oh, they say you’re a wonderful spouse
I’ll just tell them you’re a two-timing louse.
Wait! Did someone suggest I’m spreading untruth?
Well, hasn’t that fellow a single couth?
Surely he knows you’re my friend close and dear
And I would not whisper behind your rear.
’Tis sad that folks are often so nasty
And think that I – that I – am a patsy.
Well, I never said those things that I said
And the dolts who think so have been misled.
I am your best friend, a friend good and true
Would I say such things referring to you?
Or anyone, anyone, for that matter?
You know I avoid all gossipy blather.