Me Gossip?

  The modern world is full of diversions,

   But still nothing beats casting aspersions.

   Down life’s path I so blithely meander

   Deriving pleasure from slinging slander.

   Why yes you have a fine reputation,

   So I think I’ll launch a disputation

   And argue at length that perhaps I ought

   To reconsider and say you’re a sot.

   And that lady says you’re really quite kind,

   But I wonder: Has she lost half her mind?

   Why all the evidence is ever so clear

   That all your goodness is just a veneer.

   And everyone says you help the needy.

   The  truth?  You’re sly, shrewd, and oh so greedy.

   You’re making a ton in the alms racket

   While falling to a lower tax bracket.

   And, oh, they say you’re a wonderful spouse

   I’ll just tell them you’re a two-timing louse.

   Wait! Did someone suggest I’m spreading untruth?

   Well, hasn’t that fellow a single couth?

   Surely he knows you’re my friend close and dear

   And I would not whisper behind your rear.

   ’Tis sad that folks are often so nasty

   And think that I – that I – am a patsy.

   Well, I never said those things that I said

   And the dolts who think so have been misled.

   I am your best friend, a friend good and true

   Would I say such things referring to you?

   Or anyone, anyone, for that matter?

   You know I avoid all gossipy blather.