Showing posts from August, 2012

Notes from the Home - August 14, 2012

On our way to Target, Russell talked about life in the audio/video department of Barnes & Noble.    “A guy came in yesterday; said he’d recently moved into a retirement-community-slash-assisted-living place,” Russ said. “You know, an old man.”    “Whoa,” says I. “A person isn’t old just because he recently moved into a retirement-community-slash-assisted-living place.”    Russell took his eyes off the road just long enough to shoot me a get-over-it-you-old-fart glance before going on with the story. Russ and a woman were working at the counter, but the man insisted on speaking to Russ, and he insisted on speaking to him in a corner, away from the other customers and staff. The man said he had become friends with a woman at the retirement community, and she had invited him to her apartment a few times to watch movies. To reciprocate, the man had come to Barnes & Noble the day before and purchased a movie. A comedy; his lady friend likes comedies. That evening, the woman came to t…

Hansel and Gretel: Man and Wife

What if, instead of siblings, Hansel and Gretel had been married twenty years when they went into the witch's kitchen?

GRETEL: Hansel, my hapless husband, we must do something lest Witchy cooks us in a stew. HANSEL: Stew! That’s great! Carrots, potatoes and beef served after a nice wine aperitif. As a cook, Witchy has appealing appeal, I’m ready right now to have a big meal. GRETEL: Hansel, you idiot, what is the matter? You’re brain’s shot! We’ll be served on a platter. And what she can’t eat she’ll give to the dogs, or we will be some swell swill for her hogs. HANSEL:My word, Gretel, you’re overreacting. I think you need to try interacting with that fine lady who treats us so well. Why must you make poor Witchy’s life hell? Kindness and decency are stuff you lack, when all your hormones are way out of whack. GRETEL: Hormones? I ought to whack you with hormones upside your head, that useless sphere of bones that hasn't a neuron or synapse or cell to make thoughts. A brain of odd scraps that God…