The spirit is
willing, but the mind is weak; weird
but true this
morning. I’m both anxious and pensive;
by turns eager to
begin and then frustrated,
not knowing where
to start. Then, at once, elated,
inspired – the
mind filled with thoughts bright and witty.
I roll up my
sleeves, and now the thoughts seem stupid.
It happens all
the time – good thoughts turning stupid
the moment I get
to work on them. It’s just weird
how those
thoughts that once seemed amazingly witty
turn so quickly
into mush. That’s why I’m pensive.
Each time the
light bulb goes on and I’m elated,
it’s dimmed by my
effort, and I get frustrated.
The harder I
work, the more I am frustrated,
knowing now that
my brilliant insights were stupid.
But no matter,
with each idea I’m elated,
though inevitably
these mental gems are weird;
bright ideas that
aren’t too bright. So, I get pensive,
pondering the
thoughts I once thought were so witty
but which turned
out to be not even half-witty.
In fifteen minutes,
I’m thoroughly frustrated,
and so agitated,
I cannot be pensive
any longer,
convinced that I must be stupid.
Ten minutes
later, and this is what is so weird,
I have another
thought, and I am elated,
sure that this
one bright thought will keep me elated,
and once scrawled
on paper it will still be witty.
A foolish dream,
I know, and just a little weird,
since my thoughts
and dreams always leave me frustrated.
Well, not always.
But most of them turn out stupid.
So what is the
value of me being pensive?
Well, here’s the
thing: If I were never pensive,
I’d never have
the thoughts that make me elated.
So what if most
of my ideas are real stupid,
and only a
half-wit would say that they’re witty,
and trying to
nurture them leaves me frustrated.
Sometimes, not
often, they work. People laugh. It’s weird.
Often I get
stupid when I’m pensive
and it seems
weird to be giddily elated,
thinking I’m
witty and then getting frustrated.
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